


to understand

by Unidentified_assbutt



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: ADHD, Autism, M/M, i dont know what will hapen in this story, please dont judge me, third person, this is the first story i am ever writing that is going out on the internet, this will be chaptered, updates will be long
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-05-07
Updated: 2020-07-11
Packaged: 2021-03-02 18:14:46
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,775
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24051172
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Unidentified_assbutt/pseuds/Unidentified_assbutt
Summary: Dan has always had a need to understand everything and Phil just can't sit still.
Relationships: Dan Howell/Phil Lester
Comments: 2
Kudos: 8





	1. prequel

Dan is a freak.

Well, that is what the other kids in school said, it was what his teaches said when they thought he wasn’t listening, it was what everybody thought. Meaning Dan too.

Dan’s mum would say that the other kids were just jealous that he could recite all of the times tables up to fifteen by the second grade and they couldn’t, But Dan knew she thought of him as a freak as well. 

Dan knew he was a freak, it was the truth. And Dan does not stray from the truth.

He was a freak because he counted the number of steps it took to get to each room of the house from the front door.

He was a freak because all he did was sit outside with a textbook and solve equations rather than swing on the monkey bars. The squealing of normal children serving as background noise while he discovered the way you can have mutable theoretical answers to an equation that comprises of only letters and symbols.

He was the kid that never smiled. The kid that never spoke until spoken to. He was the kid that went to the doctor because even his parents thought he was crazy.

He was the kid that people left alone.

This made him the weirdo, the loser. The _freak_.

And Dan understood.

All Dan did was understand.

Dan used math to understand the world. And when the world didn’t make much sense as Dan wanted it to, he used math as a distraction, so he could understand.

Around the time of Dan starting year five the were the bugging of shouts, he didn’t understand. So Dan would just close his eyes and count, the seconds that passed, understanding the time that went by.

Dan was almost finished with year six when he had become used to the shouts but became confused again when he heard the crying of his mother and the slamming of what dan could imagine as the front door. Dan just had to read his textbook full of equations with some headphones blasting music in his ears to prove he understood.

It was the next day that Dan didn’t understand that his dad wasn’t home even though it was the weekend. Do dan waited on the couch counting the seconds untill his father returned.

Dan was in year seven when he became confused on why his family of now two moved from a house to an apartment, all Dan needed to understand were the exact dimensions of space he had in his new room so he could organize where everything was going to reside.

It was when Dan was in year eight the bullies started to target him. Dan would not understand and just stand up and walk to the bathroom to clean the blood off his face and, to apply his mother’s stolen makeup to hide the bruises that had formed. Sitting down on the cold tiled floor Dan would count the ticks of his watch that he understood.

Dan wanted to understand the world. And math helped him.

And nothing would ever stop him from understanding.

Or so he thought.


	2. Chapter 2

It was the sound of his alarm that woke up Dan, that morning, the alarm itself wasn’t anything spectacular, just the default Apple alarm on his phone. His mum had once offered to buy him an actual alarm clock so there was a nicer sound but Dan had declined to say that he already had a perfectly working alarm on his phone. 

Turning off the alarm meant nothing really because it wasn’t time to get up yet. Dan actually had another alarm set to go off in ten minutes for him to get up, but right now it was time for him to enjoy the morning, it was the one part of the day that he will let himself enjoy, listening to the sound of cars passing by and the melodic symphony of the birds chirping.

The second alarm of the day brings Dan back into reality, as it always does, reminding him of school. He dismissed the alarm as he Pulled the covers off his body replacing the warmth with the cold chill of the morning air. He rearranged himself into a sitting position on the bed so the black moccasins on the floor could be slid on. Standing up Dan raised his hands over his head lifting his black sleep shirt, exposing a ring of his skin to the cold air making a shiver go through his body.

Dan made his bed leaving not one crease on the bedsheets and pillows until another alarm rang from the bedside table saying it was time for him to get dressed. Dismissing the alarm Dan walked over to his closet, opening it revealed his winter school uniform he had ironed and hung up yesterday night.

Reaching in Dan pulled out a simple white t-shirt replacing the worn back shirt he had worn to bed with it and throwing the discarded top into the wash basket. The school shirt was buttoned with careful hands to not crease, pulling a pair of pants out of the second draw Dan pulled them up threading a belt through the hoops and tucking his shirt in when buckled up. When his next alarm rang through the room, Dan stopped to dismiss it and move on.

Walking to the bathroom Dan stopped to stand in front of the mirror and looked at his face showing the deep purple marks under his eyes, and grabbing his mother’s concealer to cover them so no one would question (Dan’s mum had offered to buy him his own tub, but Dan insisted that it would be a waste of money since they have the same skin color) and applied it with the brush resting beside it.

Some days the dark circles would be so bad that they showed through one coat, this makes Dan rethink if he does need the sleeping pills that were prescribed for him, but it is too high of a risk if he sleeps through an alarm he wouldn’t be able to function. Even if as a result Dan lays in bed at five in the morning looking at the roof with the pull of sleep too far to reach and eventually passing out when his body needs to take control.

Staring into the bathroom mirror Dan hears another alarm labeled ‘Hair’ go off, shaking his head to bring him back to clarity, Dan opens the cabinet under the sink where his straightener is kept. Plugging it in while the alarm is dismissed.

After having plugged in the straightener and placing it onto the bench letting it have time to warm up, Dan picks at his hair separating it four rough sections clipping them up leaving one free. As soon as the red-light flicks to green on the straightener Dan lifts the implement and pulls it through the ringlets of hair not missing a single part.

After an hour the alarm goes off for him to finish getting dressed. Walking to his cupboard once again but now with straight hair, he pulls out a tie with yellow and navy horizontal stripes and threading it through the collar and tying it into a simple Windsor knot. Next, a blazer was pulled out and fitted over his shoulder, it matching the tie with its tallow piping and navy base colour with the school logo embroidered on the pocket placed near the breast.

Grabbing a pair of matching white socks and polished leather shoes dan sits on the chair next to the cupboard and pulls off the moccasins he is wearing and replaces them with the socks and shoes he had grabbed, and standing up to put the moccasins back where they were this morning as another one of his alarms go off. This time telling his that it is breakfast time.

Dan walks out of his room and closes the door and tracks down the hallway and he turns left entering the kitchen. His mum is already there on here laptop having set out the box of honey nut and a bowl for him to make breakfast with.

His mum doesn’t say anything to him but gives him a look with a smile. Dan doesn’t smile back and only nods and his mum turns back to her laptop sat on the dining table, this is how their mornings have been ever since mum got her job that moved them here. She works as a writer for a local magazine that pays enough for them to keep living in the apartment that really did need some work.

The heater had been broken before they had moved here, the showers sometimes have hot water for a few minutes and there were cracks all over the place that would make a person think the place could collapse at any time. But it was his house and he couldn’t get a job because his mum won’t let him.

Dan sits down across from his mum having made his cereal after washing the bowl and spoon again so that they were free of any grime. ‘what are you going to do today?’ Dan asks. He asks the same question every morning getting straight to the point, some people say that he is rude but his mum assures him that they just don’t think the same way he does.

‘I’m going to hand in this month’s articles to the office then go shopping, do you need anything?’ this is her answer. Mum hands in her work at the office even though she works at home because the wifi along with the rest of this two-bedroom apartment is shit. 

‘I need a new eraser’ states, Dan. He had used up a whole pack last week because rough drafts were to be written in books, not computers and every other word that he had written had not been perfect enough to be included.

Dan’s mum just nods not saying anything more because she knows that dan likes quiet. Finishing off his cereal Dan stands up and places the dirty dish into the sink rinsing off any leftover food. Dan grabs the paper bag resting rested next to his mum and goes to his room to place it into his bag for school. 

Walking out of his bedroom again but now to the front door Dan exits through it not saying goodbye because that is not part of his morning schedule, and if it not a part of Dan's schedule it does not involve him. And heads on his way to school counting the steps.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> as i said long updates. sorry.

**Author's Note:**

> this is the prequel so that is why it is short, and due to quarantine I actually have time to write. do I guess whoever reads this enjoy ; )


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